Transitions

For the past week my left hand has been twitching, I've been smelling a certain telltale smell, and I've been waking up at 5am. I decided to go to sleep at 9pm in order to get enough sleep. I dreamt and then was woken by the wind. My eyes still shut, I wondered what time it was.

For some reason I counted in my mind 3 hours from the time I went to sleep "10, 11, 12"... I opened my eyes and looked at the clocked, shocked to see that it was only midnight and that I had only slept for 3 hours. Dammit. I had forgotten that going to sleep earlier during this state only meant waking up earlier.

For the past two days, I've felt a very light crystalline presence within me. I am completely enraptured with spirit. Completely in love with spirit. I know that spirit will be my life from now on. This new light is very subtle, but if I am very still and listen closely, it feels like a million angels singing.

Before going to bed, I tried connecting with this light and it started to feel like a presence. I became frightened and emailed the shaman. I then smudged my bedroom while calling out to my spirit helpers. I surrounded myself with objects of power and beauty: flowers, stones, a sketch of Antlered Doe. Took my mesa into my bed with me. Somehow I became more peaceful and went to sleep.

I feel content in a way that I never thought possible before. I couldn't care less if I never get a boyfriend again in my life. Spirit is my new boyfriend. Besides, how easy is it to find a lover that is on the same frequency as this angelic inner light? I am already in love with the divine. What more do I need?

I wonder if my estranged husband would understand. If knowing abut my transition will bring him peace. Is it worth sharing? Or will it just piss him off?

I remember when I first went to go see the shaman. He said I had some gifts. I didn't know what to think of this but thought it was cool. He instructed me to go to a natural water source and do a specific ceremony. I am almost drawn to go to that same place now, to be out in nature just before the sun rises.

What is my life going to be from now on? With spirit as my new direction, my new director. It's exciting to think about.

Life is a mysterious miracle. I am grateful and humbled.