The Beach Ball

I have kept a beach ball in my car since the summer of 2014, and I'll tell you why.

Back when I had the shamanic healings, after I got all blissed out, I started to fall back down again into irritable grumpiness. It gradually peaked into the most intense anger I'd ever felt in my life. The anger was unworldly, inhuman. I never imagined it was  possible for anyone to experience this amount of anger, let alone me.

This was all of the repressed anger I'd been holding onto my entire life (finally coming out to be healed.) I hated everything. Life had done too much to me. I wanted everything and everyone in the world to go fuck themselves. I told Life itself to go fuck itself.

All summer long the shaman and I focused on healing this anger. One night I had a dream. I was in a restaurant and wanted to get away from patrons who were being loud and dramatic, so I went downstairs. There, I discovered a family of four sitting on a pull-out couch bed. They were a mother, a father, a boy, and a girl.

I was talking to the family, getting to know them, when I discovered two deflated beach balls for the children. I took one to blow it up. Right at the little hole where the air goes in, it said "Fuck you." It made me laugh so much! A much needed healing laugh.

I woke up and decided to go walking in the woods that day. As I was walking in the woods I looked over to a small grassy area and what did I see? A beach ball! So I took it, and that is why I have a beach ball in my car.