A New Look at Life

Having had my perceived life needs and attachments ripped away, the choice is either to transcend this ego death or suffer intensely.

I've been reading/watching/listening to Eckhart Tolle a lot lately. Funny how I have a much deeper understanding of his teachings than when I first encountered his book A New Earth back in 2009. I've been reading and practicing A Course in Miracles as well.

I have the understanding now that nothing in my life means anything. In other words, everything is ephemeral. Everything is temporary. There is nothing in this world that can guarantee everlasting joy, peace, or happiness. Nothing.

The only peace we can guarantee for ourselves is the peace we manage to eke out on our own, through mindfulness and a deep, abiding acceptance of What Is. If we are lucky, perhaps we will even catch a glimpse of pure consciousness.

I've made a lot of changes since my last ayahuasca retreat and the subsequent depression that occurred. I've taken myself completely off Facebook, something I'd been addicted to for the past nine years. I'm also going to disconnect my home internet service. I've made peace my primary goal in life, if that can even be a "goal." But I now know that there is nothing else in this world that really matters or can even be counted on. So I focus on reading my spiritual books and doing my spiritual practices. I try to meditate every day and cultivate presence and acceptance. I've given up on creating goals and choose instead to focus on simply being. All I truly want anymore in life is for my state of beingness to align with the will of the universe.

Right now it doesn't seem like a very exciting life, but compared to how I was feeling just one month ago, which was borderline suicidal, I will gladly take it.