Seven Weeks of Oriental Medicine

This is a picture of my right elbow, which, interestingly, has been more clear than usual but still "taut" and dry feeling. What makes this unusual is that this elbow seems to be doing a little better than the left elbow, and ever since I've has psoriasis it was always the left elbow that was clearer.

Here is my left elbow:

 

Hmm. Maybe they look about the same...

I experimented with taking eggs out of my diet about a week ago, so I don't know if that is the cause for the change. My scalp started to become more itchy, and was really intense a few days ago. Things were definitely more flaky too. Then the itchiness calmed down.

I should also mention that I'd been REALLY depressed the past month or so.  There are so many factors that could go into any slight change with my psoriasis that it is impossible to tell what is causing what!

During my acupuncture session  today the doctor asked me how the ringing in my ears and psoriais was, if it was better. Well, yes, things DID get better once I started taking the herbal medicine. However, things also got just a bit slightly worse...just a little, but then leveled off, and now cycles through getting slightly worse and slightly better. My answer to him was that it's complicated. I'm not even sure the acupuncture is doing anything, but I will continue a little while more.

Shamanic Healing

On another note, I'm going to see a shamanic healer today. As I've mentioned before, I believe in the mind-body connection when it comes to physical health.

I initially made the appointment thinking it would be "good for me." Then I fell into the most horrendous depression which was triggered by multiple events: writing my graduate capstone paper on Shadow Work; issues with my mother; anger and resentment at my family for not understanding the abuse I went through; sorrow, heartache, and grief from losing loved ones because of the baggage I carried from the abuse. It was real deep! And very unexpected. I feel there is a higher purpose for the timing of this all, as if to say, "Okay, you want to start healing stuff? Well let me show you what needs to be healed!" BAM!

There are emotions and memories coming up that I haven't felt in years. All of my life I've had a lingering sense of heartache that never seems to leave no matter what I do. Even though I've gotten myself to a place of feeling happy, that lingering heartache and doubt is still there.

I thought I made a huge leap in my own healing a few months ago when I decided to deliberately let go of any thoughts related to rejection or people judging me (issues I've had all my life). I also felt that these feelings were related to my mother somehow, who was abusive to me as a child and has been a huge emotional burden all my life. I stopped talking to her and let go of these negative thoughts and felt like I was really WITH myself for the very first time. I'd come face-to-face with who I really am as a whole and complete person! It felt like a soul retrieval in itself! However, then I became stressed out with my capstone assignment. Then I started to feel judged about my spiritual beliefs, which is a raw spot for me because it is those very beliefs that helped me to survive the depression I've experienced my entire life. Then my mom started calling me every single day! It was just too much and I crumbled back down to a broken heap.

I've been building myself back up again with the help of mindfulness techniques and with the incredible support of my husband. I have hope for the shamanic healing. I will do pretty much anything at this point to become whole and healed again! I will keep you updated.