On Thursday before my shamanism class, I realized that I no longer felt resentment about my past. I no longer had thoughts of my life "pre-healing" having been a waste. I even had a fleeting glimpse of my past serving some kind of purpose. This felt very empowering. And miraculous.
Fast forward a few days. Last night I started to feel depressed for no reason. Oh great, I thought. Here comes the inevitable depression again. But then it wasn't so bad this morning. But not great either.
Later this afternoon I got an email from my husband. Our plan was to take a break for two weeks and then have a discussion about our relationship. This was one month ago. I thought he was finally going to initiate a conversation. It turns out he wants a divorce.
No conversation. No discussion. Nothing.
I may have lost my marriage, but I guess I'd rather choose that than uncontrollable thoughts about killing myself. This is the perspective I try to have.
But I still feel like shit.
No comments:
Post a Comment