I totally get where Byron Katie and Jeff Foster are coming from. Yeah, I agree our thoughts can be little pieces of shit sometimes, causing us to feel bad or even depressed.
Byron Katie tells us to question our thoughts and that it will make us feel better. Jeff Foster tells us to be okay with where we are. I've taken both approaches and have found them to be helpful during certain times in my life. But it was never a lasting improvement. They offer just one approach out of many approaches. And that is the problem.
If someone is feeling like absolute shit, there is not always a thought that can be attributed to that feeling. If someone is having uncontrollable thoughts of suicide, then being in the now is not going to solve things.
I believe that our psyches are more than just our thoughts. If there has been trauma, like my experience with childhood abuse and neglect, it can be lodged so deeply within our psyches that it will pull us down no matter what we do until it is healed. I believe there there is a connection between our minds and the energy fields of our bodies. How else would that explain how great I felt psychologically after getting energy healings? How else could I have felt more "solid" and fantastic as a person after getting soul retrievals?
I am wondering the extent of help people with PTSD have gotten from teachers like Byron Katie and Jeff Foster. Don't get me wrong, I think they are great teachers and help a lot of people--but only CERTAIN people with certain problems. How many people have been following these "thought" teachers who are still suffering. I wonder the same about followers of Anita Moorjani, someone else I deeply admire who teaches that we only need to learn to love ourselves, that we only need to know our own magnificence.
PTSD and trauma pulls us down to the point that we can't feel that kind of love, peace or inner magnificence. So how are we supposed to know this if we cant feel it? I believe there literally are holes in the psyches of traumatized people. We need to fill in those wholes with soul retrievals. THEN we can learn to disbelieve our thoughts.
P.S. Noah Ekrief says that "When you are able to see thoughts clearly, all of your suffering goes. Only peace remains." I believe it. However, can you imagine how long it would take to get through all the garbage of repressed trauma and PTSD to get to that point of clarity and piece. Shamanism offers a shortcut. Let's give that some credit too.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Monday, December 22, 2014
Post-Ayahuasca Maintenance
Some people wonder how to maintain the lightness and extraordinary sense of well-being after doing ayahuasca. Well, I don't think it's possible to stay that light forever. We eventually do become grounded again.
We can integrate our lessons, and the method of doing so depends on the person. I'll describe my own process.
It's been three months since coming back from Peru. There have been ups and downs, but so far I have been able to come back up again to a feeling good set-point. It is NOT the same feeling I came home with. The first two months, I felt very expanded and like life was limitless. I still had enough of my head on my shoulders to be reasonable, thankfully.
As soon as I got home I intuitively knew I had to focus on self love and self acceptance. Ayahuasca showed me how to feel pure love and acceptance toward myself, but it was up to me to learn how to do it for myself. I did whatever actions I needed to do to express this love to myself. And I made sure that my thoughts toward myself remained loving. I knew that this was the most important thing in the world.
I also pray. A lot.
It so happened that I started a beginners class in shamanism the week after I got back home. In this class we participate in several healing rituals and receive the Munay Ki. On top of this, I listen to Christina Pratt's podcast Why Shamanism Now?. My spiritual faith has grown significantly and I integrate certain practices into my daily life to build that connection. Prayer, reflection, daily rituals, communing with nature when possible, sometimes meditation...but mostly prayer.
When I'm feeling down or off balance, I use Florida Water and palo santo. I am sensitive to this stuff! (I tried to get mapacho tobacco but I could only find one vendor and it's so expensive.) I already knew Florida Water calmed me before going to Peru. I started falling in love with its scent after associating it with shamanic healings in the US. I used to put it all over me before the ayahuasca ceremonies. Then, during one particularly difficult ceremony in Peru, someone sprayed it on me. Feeling the vaporous sent around me was like being embraced by love and kindness. It also immediately cleared out whatever negativity I was going through.
Back home, I take baths with Florida Water. Sometimes before bed, I put it on my power center, heart, and third eye. Then, with my body under the blankets, I spray it over myself before sleeping.
Sometimes I burn palo santo and smudge myself with it, circling it around my body. Then I circle it over all of my chakras. The clearing effect is palpable.
I light candles. I also burn incense, which brings me connection (to myself, to spirit, to the present) and relaxes me.
I try to stay with whatever I'm feeling, whether it be anger or sadness or heartache or whatever. But I also make sure my thoughts are not being carried away to the point that they bring me down. I reframe my thoughts when possible. There is a balance there between staying with how you feel and changing how you think. You don't want to do one to the point that it overpowers or takes away from the other. Feeling is important because you need to feel suppressed emotions before being able to let them go. Thinking is important because we want to make sure our thoughts are healthy.
Other than that, listening to my heart, listening to my intuition, and regularly connecting with healthy, like-minded friends. Focusing on doing what I love...
Yup. That's about it.
UPDATE: I've also discovered that mindfulness is crucial to taking me back to that clear-headed feeling space. This clarity is essential to feeling the inner peace and joy that I felt after doing the ayahuasca ceremonies. It seems that once I am clear of the all those thoughts clouding my perspective, I am able to more easily introduce more positive thoughts and ideas such as self love, etc. I've also discovered that mindfulness takes me back to what needs to be taken care of in the here and now rather than sitting with ruminating thoughts and feelings. Without ruminating thoughts and feelings, we feel clear, and when we feel clear we want our outer world to reflect how we feel inside, and when we want our outer world to reflect how we feel inside we take right action!
We can integrate our lessons, and the method of doing so depends on the person. I'll describe my own process.
It's been three months since coming back from Peru. There have been ups and downs, but so far I have been able to come back up again to a feeling good set-point. It is NOT the same feeling I came home with. The first two months, I felt very expanded and like life was limitless. I still had enough of my head on my shoulders to be reasonable, thankfully.
As soon as I got home I intuitively knew I had to focus on self love and self acceptance. Ayahuasca showed me how to feel pure love and acceptance toward myself, but it was up to me to learn how to do it for myself. I did whatever actions I needed to do to express this love to myself. And I made sure that my thoughts toward myself remained loving. I knew that this was the most important thing in the world.
I also pray. A lot.
It so happened that I started a beginners class in shamanism the week after I got back home. In this class we participate in several healing rituals and receive the Munay Ki. On top of this, I listen to Christina Pratt's podcast Why Shamanism Now?. My spiritual faith has grown significantly and I integrate certain practices into my daily life to build that connection. Prayer, reflection, daily rituals, communing with nature when possible, sometimes meditation...but mostly prayer.
When I'm feeling down or off balance, I use Florida Water and palo santo. I am sensitive to this stuff! (I tried to get mapacho tobacco but I could only find one vendor and it's so expensive.) I already knew Florida Water calmed me before going to Peru. I started falling in love with its scent after associating it with shamanic healings in the US. I used to put it all over me before the ayahuasca ceremonies. Then, during one particularly difficult ceremony in Peru, someone sprayed it on me. Feeling the vaporous sent around me was like being embraced by love and kindness. It also immediately cleared out whatever negativity I was going through.
Back home, I take baths with Florida Water. Sometimes before bed, I put it on my power center, heart, and third eye. Then, with my body under the blankets, I spray it over myself before sleeping.
Sometimes I burn palo santo and smudge myself with it, circling it around my body. Then I circle it over all of my chakras. The clearing effect is palpable.
I light candles. I also burn incense, which brings me connection (to myself, to spirit, to the present) and relaxes me.
I try to stay with whatever I'm feeling, whether it be anger or sadness or heartache or whatever. But I also make sure my thoughts are not being carried away to the point that they bring me down. I reframe my thoughts when possible. There is a balance there between staying with how you feel and changing how you think. You don't want to do one to the point that it overpowers or takes away from the other. Feeling is important because you need to feel suppressed emotions before being able to let them go. Thinking is important because we want to make sure our thoughts are healthy.
Other than that, listening to my heart, listening to my intuition, and regularly connecting with healthy, like-minded friends. Focusing on doing what I love...
Yup. That's about it.
UPDATE: I've also discovered that mindfulness is crucial to taking me back to that clear-headed feeling space. This clarity is essential to feeling the inner peace and joy that I felt after doing the ayahuasca ceremonies. It seems that once I am clear of the all those thoughts clouding my perspective, I am able to more easily introduce more positive thoughts and ideas such as self love, etc. I've also discovered that mindfulness takes me back to what needs to be taken care of in the here and now rather than sitting with ruminating thoughts and feelings. Without ruminating thoughts and feelings, we feel clear, and when we feel clear we want our outer world to reflect how we feel inside, and when we want our outer world to reflect how we feel inside we take right action!
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Dear World
Dear World,
How is it possible for me to have the most amazing healing experience of my life: something that I never could have imagined possible; something that literally saved my life and completely transformed me; something that could help YOU too if you only opened you mind, heart, and spirit up to it--and yet some people think nothing of it or even get offended by my story?
Well, F you guys too.
Love,
Me
How is it possible for me to have the most amazing healing experience of my life: something that I never could have imagined possible; something that literally saved my life and completely transformed me; something that could help YOU too if you only opened you mind, heart, and spirit up to it--and yet some people think nothing of it or even get offended by my story?
Well, F you guys too.
Love,
Me
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Update for posterity
It's been almost 3 months since my last ayahuasca ceremony.
Life has had it's ups and downs but I've always managed to bounce back again. The night before last I swore I was getting depressed again. I felt that same familiar sinking feeling and thought oh great, guess I'm back to this again. But then today, I was back to feeling good again. This bouncing back stuff was never normal for me in the past--I pretty much stayed stagnant or sunk even lower.
Today I was glad to see that life still has a certain subtle "crispness" and clarity to it, something I strongly sensed after coming home from Peru. Comparing to how I used to feel, I'm now certain I was depressed, in varying degrees, at least 90% of the time literally "clouding" how I saw life. The sense of peace and ability to find joy in the present moment was always fleeting in the past, as if only reserved for special happy occasions.
I'm still vigilant, keeping watch on my emotions, thoughts, and general feelings. I'm not new to self help work, shadow work, and spirituality, so I have a good bunch of resources to fall back on. In addition, my spiritual life has deepened significantly, not necessarily because of ayahuasca. But I would say that being cleansed emotionally makes it a lot easier to connect with spirit. And connecting to spirit makes it a lot easier to draw on my inner strength and inner sense of peace. So I'm sure my practices have a lot to do with maintaining the healing.
Life has had it's ups and downs but I've always managed to bounce back again. The night before last I swore I was getting depressed again. I felt that same familiar sinking feeling and thought oh great, guess I'm back to this again. But then today, I was back to feeling good again. This bouncing back stuff was never normal for me in the past--I pretty much stayed stagnant or sunk even lower.
Today I was glad to see that life still has a certain subtle "crispness" and clarity to it, something I strongly sensed after coming home from Peru. Comparing to how I used to feel, I'm now certain I was depressed, in varying degrees, at least 90% of the time literally "clouding" how I saw life. The sense of peace and ability to find joy in the present moment was always fleeting in the past, as if only reserved for special happy occasions.
I'm still vigilant, keeping watch on my emotions, thoughts, and general feelings. I'm not new to self help work, shadow work, and spirituality, so I have a good bunch of resources to fall back on. In addition, my spiritual life has deepened significantly, not necessarily because of ayahuasca. But I would say that being cleansed emotionally makes it a lot easier to connect with spirit. And connecting to spirit makes it a lot easier to draw on my inner strength and inner sense of peace. So I'm sure my practices have a lot to do with maintaining the healing.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Changes across the spectrum
On Thursday before my shamanism class, I realized that I no longer felt resentment about my past. I no longer had thoughts of my life "pre-healing" having been a waste. I even had a fleeting glimpse of my past serving some kind of purpose. This felt very empowering. And miraculous.
Fast forward a few days. Last night I started to feel depressed for no reason. Oh great, I thought. Here comes the inevitable depression again. But then it wasn't so bad this morning. But not great either.
Later this afternoon I got an email from my husband. Our plan was to take a break for two weeks and then have a discussion about our relationship. This was one month ago. I thought he was finally going to initiate a conversation. It turns out he wants a divorce.
No conversation. No discussion. Nothing.
I may have lost my marriage, but I guess I'd rather choose that than uncontrollable thoughts about killing myself. This is the perspective I try to have.
But I still feel like shit.
Fast forward a few days. Last night I started to feel depressed for no reason. Oh great, I thought. Here comes the inevitable depression again. But then it wasn't so bad this morning. But not great either.
Later this afternoon I got an email from my husband. Our plan was to take a break for two weeks and then have a discussion about our relationship. This was one month ago. I thought he was finally going to initiate a conversation. It turns out he wants a divorce.
No conversation. No discussion. Nothing.
I may have lost my marriage, but I guess I'd rather choose that than uncontrollable thoughts about killing myself. This is the perspective I try to have.
But I still feel like shit.
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